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Coaches
Corner - Article
02/24/03
Sportsmanship at Tournament Time: Gotta have a "Game Plan"
Dad: "Hi, son. Sorry I missed the first tournament game.
How'd it go?"
Son: "There were fights, threats, bad language ... then
they kicked the parents out and we started the game!"
Why is it that parents tend to "kick it up a notch" at
tournament time? The same parents who stay calm, and use the
old "It's just a game!" refrain during the regular season,
can be seen in the stands, come tournament time, with neck
veins popping, hanging on every missed lay-up, every
uncalled foul, every turnover, every "air ball", every
missed free throw, you name it.
Someone once said, "Sports don"t build character, they
reveal it!" As the tournament season begins, let's
remind ourselves, as parents, that our "attitude" is
showing. Let's remember that the atmosphere is a bit more
charged at tournament time, and it takes a little more
effort not to get swept up into emotional outbursts.
Coaches give kids a game plan to help them stay focused in
the midst of all the tournament excitement. Likewise, we
parents need our own "game plan" for keeping sportsmanship
our number one priority when the action begins on the court.
Speaking of game plans, when I was writing an article about
Parent Behavior for the Gatorade Company, I interviewed lots
of kids and asked them about what they want their parents to
do at games. They answered by telling me things they want
their parents NOT to do. I think this list, described in the
words of the kids, is a perfect sportsmanship "game plan"
for all of us.
Parent Sportsmanship Game Plan *
(10 Things Kids Say They Don't Want Their Parents to Do)
1. Don't yell out instructions. During the game I'm
trying to concentrate on what the coach says and working on
what I've been practicing. It's easier for me to do my best
if you save instructions and reminders for practice or just
before the game.
2. Don't put down the officials. This embarrasses me
and I sometimes wonder whether the official is going to be
tougher on me because my parents yell.
3. Don't yell at me in public. It will just make
things worse because I'll be upset, embarrassed, or worried
that you're going to yell at me the next time I do something
"wrong."
4. Don't yell at the coach. When you yell about who
gets to play what position, it just stirs things up and
takes away from the fun.
5. Don't put down my teammates. Don't make put-down
remarks about any of my teammates who make mistakes. It
takes away from our team spirit.
6. Don't put down the other team. When you do this
you're not giving us a very good example of sportsmanship so
we get mixed messages about being "good sports."
7. Don't lose your cool. I love to see you excited
about the game, but there's no reason to get so upset that
you lose your temper! It's our game and all the attention is
supposed to be on us.
8. Don't lecture me about mistakes after the game.
Those rides home in the car after the game are not a good
time for lectures about how I messed up -- I already feel
bad. We can talk later, but please stay calm, and don't
forget to mention things I did well during game!
9. Don't forget how to laugh and have fun. Sometimes
it's hard for me to relax and have fun during the game when
I look over and see you so tense and worried.
10. Don't forget that it's just a game! Odds are, I'm
not going to make a career out of playing sports. I know I
may get upset if we lose, but I also know that I'm usually
feeling better after we go get a pizza. I need to be
reminded sometimes that it's just a game.
There's nothing like the thrill, excitement, and challenge
of tournament basketball. Let's make sure, as parents, we
keep all the attention on the court, and not in the stands.
Darrell J. Burnett, Ph.D.
* From Playbook for Kids: A
Parent's Guide to Help Kids Get the Most Out of Sports. The
Gatorade Company)
Dr. Burnett is a clinical psychologist and certified sports
psychologist specializing in youth sports. He has been in
private practice in southern California for 20+ years. Dr.
Burnett is active on the lecture circuit. His publications
on youth sports, including It's Just A Game! (Youth,
Sports, & Self Esteem: A Guide for Parents), are described
at his website,
www.djburnett.com He can be reached at his office, 30101
Town Center Drive, Suite 202 D, Laguna Niguel, CA 92677.
(949)-249-2882. Email:
djburnet@
pacbell.net.
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